As of this writing it is now 12:00 PM 1 Nov 08 in China, which means there are about three more hours in the States until this riveting poll closes at midnight on Halloween night. I feel any decent  American or European is out trick or treating or partying right now, and not home reading my blog. Barring some unforeseen event I feel secure in releasing the final results in this, the first ever (but not last) Uranium Café public opinion poll. And the question, if you have not read the heading yet, is a burning one: who would you rather sit in a room with and chug down a bottle of Jack Black with? This is an odd poll for me since I do not drink alcohol, but I participated nonetheless. My vote you inquire? Well, I will share my vote, so read on dear reader.

Coming in last place is a guy who I thought used to be so cool and handsome in that rugged, worn down way, Mickey Rourke. Mickey did pull in two votes towards the end and I am happy to see this. Why so few votes for a guy who was once so cool and under the influence, I would assume, be rather interesting? Well, because under the influence he might also whoop your ass for the fun of it. And you would have to sit there and wonder what the hell happened to Mickey’s face? He had to have seen the same plastic surgeon as Joan Rivers. Why the hell did this guy leave films for five years and pursue a senseless boxing career in near middle age? What is up with the domestic violence issues?  These are not question to ask this guy shit faced.

In third place is a guy who probably has a chronic blood alcohol content of  0.50% (the other 50% being God knows what), Keith Richards. Keith has been boozing and drugging it up long before most readers of the Café were even born and he shows little signs of changing his ways other than he chases his whiskey now with shots of Geritol. Keith is a great guitar player and despite the wild stories is supposed to be a decently behaved guy enough of the time that a little fire side chit chat may be doable. To see how the Stones killed time while on the grueling road see The Cocksucker Blues, a bootleg movie that Keith and Mick have tried to distance themselves from over the decades. It is tragic what these multi-millionaires are driven to do from boredom in their spare time in their luxury hotel rooms.

In a close second place is the guy I voted to sit and have tea with while he drinks some Jack Daniels (or whatever he chooses) with, Jimmy Page. The picture is from, I think, 1975’s Physical Graffiti tour, and Jimmy was often seen during this period with a bottle of Jack Black before and after shows, and almost always while aboard the famous Zeppelin Starship, as he was petrified of flying. I was lucky enough to see Led Zeppelin way back in April of 1977 in Cincinnati Ohio. I also saw him and Robert Plant in various solo outings as well. I understand the guy could be moody but given the right situation could be easy going and fascinating to talk to, but don’t ask him about Aleister Crowley!

And the winner with a staggering 11 out of 27 votes is that girl in the cowboy hat and bikini from that terrible Japanese zombie flick Onechanbara, Otoguri Eri ( I guess that’s her name… who cares really). I can see that this chick stumbling around drunk in a bikini offers potential explorations into human nature the same situation with Keith or Jimmy never could. For some reason though the image of a drunk Mickey Rourke in a bikini is something I would want to see. She can’t act and I hated the film, but she is certainly a cute little creature and I would like to know why she had to kill zombies in a red bikini, a cowboy hat and fuzzy white boa. Wouldn’t combat fatigues be more suitable? Anyway, we can’t deny the girl is a winner and the readers of the Café know who they prefer to hug the toilet with… this sexy babe! Well, that ain’t gonna happen in a million years, so please settle for these steaming hot pics and my thanks for all the votes.

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 1st, 2008 at 3:52 am and is filed under Notes from Underground . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.