If you do not know who El Santo (The Saint) is he was a real professional wrestler in Mexico who also became a matinee idol and comic book hero. He made some 50 or more films in his career and a few were imported into the US by K. Gordon Murray, most noted for importing and dubbing loads of children’s fairy tale films. Santo in the Wax Museum was one of the more successful Santo films because it was one of them that was dubbed into English. I also have a about six or seven other Santo films here and the other one I watched, Santo and the Diabolical Brain is in Spanish with English subtitles. I don’t know why, but I like some movies more dubbed. Not because I am lazy and cannot read subs, but it really adds to the campiness of the already corny translated dialog, as in the case of many of the Toho kaiju (strange monster) films. And most certainly the dubbing adds to the zaniness of this Santo (called Samson for some reason in the Murray releases, as if gringos can’t accept a Spanish sounding name) film from 1963, made when Santo himself was already 45 years old.

A series of murders and disappearances  are tied to people who have recently visited Dr. Karols’s (Claudio Brook) wax museum. The museum is a strange collection of figures on one floor, ranging from Gandhi to Gary Cooper, but housed in the lower level is Dr. Karol’s collection of infamous murderers and monsters, the pride of his little museum. When photographer Susana Mendoza vanishes Santo is called in by a friend to investigate. The first part of the movie seems to plod along and I almost forgot it was a Santo film, until he arrives on the scene in his trademark silver mask, tights and cape. He rides around in a sports car and has a “Batcave” type laboratory that seems to be located in his apartment. Later when thugs set out to kill him they just come in through his back door. He is renowned for his crime solving abilities but once in a while he has to put the case on the back burner and rush off to the arena to do some wrestling. In fact there are three bouts in the film.

The movie culminates of course with Santo fighting the bad guys and monsters (humans changed into wax figure zombies by Dr. Karol, who plans to somehow destroy the world with them) with lots of wrestling moves. The girl is saved from being turned into a “panther girl” and put in the museums lower floor and in one scene Santo cooks four or five monsters with a vat of boiling wax. Claudio Brook is great as Dr. Karol and in one scene does a classic mad scientist laugh that goes on and on. Santo is really strange as he stands around people’s apartments discussing the case in his mask and with his exposed chest and belly seemingly drawing no special attention from anyone. Like I said the dubbing adds to the fun, especially Dr. Karol’s radio announcer monotone. I liked it a lot and look forward to getting my others Santos films burned so I can lie back on my sofa and be thrilled at the marvel that is El Santo. For cheese lovers only.

KING KONG ESCAPES

1967/Director: Ishirô Honda/ Writer: Takeshi Kimura

Cast: Rhodes Reason, Mie Hama, Linda Miller, Akira Takarada, Eisei Amamoto

I was lucky that before all my BT download problems began a month or so back I downloaded a batch of classic Toho kaiju films. Kaiju is the term for Japanese monster films, and in particular those wonderful ones with guys in rubber suits judo flipping one another all over Tokyo. I was pleasantly surprised with King Kong Escapes, the 2nd King Kong film from Toho after King vs Godzilla. It has all the trademarks of a great Toho kaiju film, such as finely detailed miniatures,  and was directed by Ishiro Honda, who turned out some of the best monster films for Toho. One thing that makes this Toho monster film a little more enjoyable than some is the drama between the human being is better than usual.

First there is the crew of the US Explorer. Led by all American he man Commander Carl Nelson (Rhodes Reason) and his 2nd in command Jiro Nomure (played by Toho standard Akira Takarada) the submarine must make an emergency landing near Mondo Island, home of none other than King Kong. They arrive ashore with the head of the medical department Lt. Susan Watson (Linda Miller) who earlier got the crew to shape up by warning them she had plenty of Castor oil to administer. In no time they encounter Kong who gets himself into a kung fu style brawl with Gorosaurus. Of course Kong falls for the blond Lt. and gets all dreamy eyed looking at her. He picks her up to adore her and then she begins to speak English very loudly and slowly and orders him over and over, “Put me down Kong. Down! Put me down!”, and he does since all you have to do is speak English loudly and slowly and anything in the Universe will understand.

There is of course an evil element to the film, as there always is in a good Toho film. Usually some sinister, secret organization (usually led by aliens) is up to no good and they either need to employ or eliminate one or more of the kaijin. In this case the bad guys are led by Dr. Who  played by Eisei Amamoto, who has developed a gigantic Mecha-Kong to excavate all the Element X he desires so he can then sell it to the highest bidder and they can construct enough nuclear weapons to bully the combined powers of the US and the USSR. He is in serious negotiations with the mysterious Madame X, or Madame Piranha,  (Mie Hama) who is from “some unknown Asian country”. The country is never named and it is comical at times how the script avoids identifying the rogue nation, though we can assume it is either commie China or North Korea (remember this is 1967 and you are still better dead than red). Mecha-Kong can not endure the effects of Element X and shuts down and so Dr. Who falls back on Plan B, kidnapping the real King Kong to excavate the mineral. Exactly why humans and human designed machines cannot be used is never explained.

Kong is kidnapped and soon Dr. Who has Commander Nelson on his tail, along with the UN. In these old Toho films the UN seemed to have unlimited power. In some scenes just by saying “I’m with the UN” a person is given charge of entire military units. Nelson and his friends wind up at the North Pole, where Who’s headquarters are, and soon wins over the “Oriental Mata Hari” with little effort, simply by laying back on the sofa and acting rude and arrogant seems to make her weak. She suddenly abandons all her plans for herself and “her country” and sets the good guys free, and of course is offed by Dr Who.

Kong escapes slave labor and swims back to Tokyo and of course Mecha-Kong arrives later and they have it out on Tokyo Tower. There are lots of fun bits in this film and all the actors ham it up and have a great time. The real center piece is Kong’s horrible costume. The mask appears to be made of nothing but papier-mâché and in a couple scenes when Kong runs it is just hilarious. His fingers never seem to move and his eye lids look like window blinds opening and closing. Mecha-Kong looks pretty darn good and the monster battles in the film are above average. Mie Hama is so very cute and she and Dr Who add a James Bond element to the film. Mie would star in 1967’s Bond flick You Only Live Twice, along side  Toho actress Akiko Wakabayashi,  as the coquettish secret agent Kissy Suzuki. If you are not a fan of Toho monsters move along, but if you are and have not seen this one yet then please do. I doubt you will be disappointed. I have about a dozen more Toho monster films to throw at you so stay tuned. Sadly I was not able to get a copy of Ishiro Honda’s Rodan and am going to see if that is available from a Rapidshare site. I watched Ghidrah last night and the Rodan in it looked different, more chickenish than I recall the original version being. This calls for some serious research.

Here is a first for the Cafe really. Normally I would prefer to do my own essays and commentaries but in this case I am just going to copy and paste a short mini bio about Mie Hama from IMDB. When I do do something like this I will always credit the site I got the information from. I am sure I could do a fitting little essay but I a little pressed for time and energy. My personal feelings is that she is totally adorable in that virginal sense. In fact I was almost repulsed that she fell for hairy, crass 007 (Sean Connery) in You Only Live Twice. Her story is rags to riches in a sense. I do not mean untold riches, but going from a ticket collector to one of Japan’s leading ladies virtually over night is a Cinderella story in my book. Now that I’ve shared my personal feelings and I fell a little less guilty here is the info I swiped from IMDB:

Biography for Mie Hama
Date of Birth
20 November 1943, Tokyo, Japan
Height
5′ 4½” (1.64 m)

Mini Biography

Mie Hama was born in Tokyo, Japan on November 20, 1943. She first started out working as a bus fare collector. While working, she was spotted by producer Tomoyuki Tanaka , and was soon employed at Toho Studios. She appeared in a bevy of drama and sci-fi films, including Kingu Kongu tai Gojira (1962), where she became the Giant Ape’s “Damsel in Distress.” She is probably best known in Western Cinema as Bond girl Kissy Suzuki, starring alongside actor Sean Connery in the 007 film You Only Live Twice (1967). That same year, Kingu Kongu no gyakushû (1967) was released, thus, she portrayed the spellbinding “Bond-girlish” villainess Madamn Piranha. Her extended wardrobe and enchanted bed chambers contributed to the film’s “James Bond-ish” atmosphere. In addition, Hama would sometimes be referred to as “Funny Face,” due to her appearances in Japan’s “Crazy Cats” movies.

She became of the most popular actresses in Japan’s “Golden Age” of Cinema, but has done little acting when Japan’s cinema world experienced severe financial problems. However, she did return to appear in a few films in the 1970s and 1980s, and she is seen, most recently, working as an active environmentalist.
IMDb Mini Biography By: Oliver Chu

Trivia

Because of illness during filming, Mie Hama (Kissy Suzuki) was doubled in a diving scene (in “You Only Live Twice”) by no less than Diane Cilento - Sean Connery’s wife at the time.

Had actually appeared in almost 70 movies before she got married to 007 in You Only Live Twice.

The first Asian woman to appear in Playboy.

Was the first Asian Bond girl.

Has been called the Japanese Brigitte Bardot.

Her first name is pronounced “Mee-yay.”

When producers for “You Only Live Twice” warned Mie that because she wasn’t learning English quickly enough, she was going to be fired from the film, she solemnly told them that, because of her shame, she would then commit ritual suicide. Whether she was bluffing or not, the producers decided not to risk it, and she was kept on the film.

THE MONSTER WALKS

1942/ Director: Frank R. Strayer/ Writer: Robert Ellis

Cast: Rex Lease, Vera Reynolds, Sheldon Lewis, Mischa Auer, Martha Mattox, Sidney Bracey, Willie Best  (as Sleep ‘n’ Eat)

There is not really much to say about this movie but I can give it a marginal recommendation if you enjoy bad movies or early cinema. I do, but I am aware that what I like is not everyone’s cup of tea.  It would have made it to my new Quikie category except for the fact that while watching the credits I noticed the name of Sleep ‘n Eat and recalled it from the days when I used to really read up on films. But we can go into that in part two of this post. This film was made in 1932 and has all the trademark characteristics of a film shot in those days: stiff, melodramatic acting, terrible sound quality and poor music score, static photography (a scene often being shot for minutes from one camera angel), and loads of stereotyped characters. The film is supposed to be a remake of a 1927 silent film called the Cat and the Canary and is basically a whodunit that takes place in an old mansion over the course of one night during a thunder storm. After family members gather for the reading of a will left by the estate’s owner, an eccentric scientist, tensions develop amongst some of the family and staff who feel cheated because the man’s daughter, Ruth Earlton (Vera Reynolds) has basically received the entire fortune. Most upset is the deceased man’s invalid brother  Robert Earlton (Sheldon Lewis) who is receives only the assurance that he can still live in the house and get care,  and his staff Mrs. Krugg and her sinister son Hans (Martha Maddox and Mischa Auer).

Ruth’s fiancé Dr. Ted Carver (with a classic film name of Rex Lease) has accompanied her and is somewhat suspicious when she later alarms everyone with hysterical screaming, claiming she saw a hairy arm trying to grab her in her bed. He claims that while is a hysterical female she is not prone to nightmares. And why not be suspicious of a hairy arm when in the basement there is kept the dead doctor’s experiment in evolution, an ape… a gorilla. Of course it is obvious the “ape” is nothing but a chimpanzee not much larger than the one that played Cheetah in the Tarzan movies. I had really hoped that this was going to be a man in a gorilla suit movie and was sorely disappointed to see a chimp play the monster. Later the ‘ape” strangles the wrong woman, Mrs. Krug, and it gives actor Mischa Auer a grand chance to overact as he mourns her death and his mistake, sense he is in fact the one controlling the ape’s deeds under the behest of brother Robert. Well there are not many surprises and the ape of course kills his tormentor, Hans,  at the end and all is settled nicely overall. Brother Robert dies and Ruth and Ted wind up all hugs and snuggles. I did not hate the film and usually like these types, but I cannot recommend it to everyone. You must have a taste for old movies and bad acting and dialog to appreciate a film like this. It is a bad movie but one I enjoyed for the most part.

Appearing in the film as Exodus, the chauffer, is black actor Willie Best, often billed as Sleep ‘n Eat. I remembered his name from the days when I actually had to read books and magazines to get film information. There is not a wealth of information on the net about him, but I thought I could do a little tribute to this guy, who really was talented but had a difficult, though relatively prolific, film career that ended in obscurity.

There was a time when black actors in Hollywood actually had names like G. Howe Black and Stephin Fectchit. Especially prior to the 1960’s it would hard to point to a black actor who ever had a significant role in any motion picture. Among the actors who possessed genuine talent but never had the chance to show was Willie Best, who was billed under one of the most denigrating of all names in movie history. As unbelievable as it may sound he was cast for many years simply as Sleep ‘n Eat. While a talented actor and comedian, as well as musician and song writer, Best is sadly remembered for his myriad portrayals as lazy, simple minded and cowardly porters, servants and janitors. The lazily drawled line “yussuh”, expressed with drooped mouth and half awake eyes, can be traced back to many of Best’s characters. They are not necessarily by any stretch the roles Best would have wanted to portray, but as he stoically confessed in a 1934 interview, “ I often think about these roles I have to play. Most of them are pretty broad. Sometimes I tell the director and he cuts out the real bad parts… But what’s an actor going to do? Either you do it or get out.”

He was praised by Bob Hope for his acting ability and comedic timing and played in  some Hope films… as a half witted butler of course. He also played in a few Shirley Temple films, doing the same thing. He was busted for drugs in the early 1950’s and his career all but skreeched to a halt. He found some work here and there in television and as the civil rights era dawned he found himself the target of disdain by many of his fellow blacks, who saw what he did as an embarrassment to blacks. He was considered to be no more than the character he portrayed in his films. He died alone and in obscurity in a a home for aging actors and now lies in an unmarked grave in Hollywood, far from his home and roots in Mississippi. The closing lines of the film above, The Monster Walks, are so horrible and racist I was stunned to hear them. The dialog centers on the dead doctor’s experiments in evolution and when Exodus (Best’s character) realizes that he may be descended from apes he says something like “Well I had an uncle who looked like that (the chimp) but he was a lot slower.” It was a terrible line and left me wondering what the reaction of the audience in 1932 might have been.   Sadly it was probably hysterical laughter. There is hardly anything on Willie Best on the net that I could find with a basic search. I think this guy deserves more than what he got out of his years of hard work in Hollywood.

WILLIE BEST’S UNMARKERD GRAVE AT

PIERCE BROTHERS VAHALLA MEMORIAL PARK, HOLLYWOOD

THE BRAIN EATERS

1958/Director: Bruno VeSota/ Writer: Gordon Urquhart

Cast: Ed Nelson (also producer), Leonard Nimoy, Alan Frost, Joanna Lee, Jody Fair, David Hughes, Robert Ball, Greigh Phillips, Orville Sherman

This not a film to write home about in any sense of the word-however it is film to do a post on The Uranium Cafe about obviously- but at a mere sixty minutes and featuring an early performance by Leonard Nimoy (billed as Leonard Nemoy) it is not a total waste of time. It was produced by and starring B-movie and TV staple Ed Nelson and directed by character actor Bruno VeSota (the sexually frustrated fat guy in Attack of the Giant Leeches) and so based on The Puppet Master by Robert A. Heinlein that AIP was sued for outright plagiarism. Roger Corman arranged to have the matter settled out of court for $5000 and the promise that Heinlein receive no credit for “inspiring” Gordon Urqhart’s lifeless screenplay. But as I said, the film is not really that bad that it cannot be seen and enjoyed if there is nothing else on.

The story moves along at a tolerable pace and is aided by an often campy and unnecessary narration. For example in one scene we are told that the heroes are visiting the local telegraph station, but there is not need to inform us of this since we can see with own two eyes that they are doing this. But it adds for some laughs, though I assume the are unintended.

The basic story is that the residents of peaceful Riverdale Illinois have not only recently been plagued by violent murders and now must contend with the sudden appearance a huge alien craft that has either come from space or the bowels of the Earth. I am not clear on this. The mystery is compounded when a scientist believed long lost reappears from the craft after some fifty years. Some of the town’s folk have fallen prey to small parasitic organisms that look like little “tribbles” (as in the classic Star Trek episode) with pipe cleaners for antennae that attach to the base of their necks and control their thoughts and actions. Scientist Paul Kettering (Ed Nelsen) is hot on the mystery and even journeys into the alien craft seeking answers, which are not forthcoming. A lot of the action winds up being fist fights or gun battles between the infected and uninfected, or verbal sparring between everyone and the cantankerous Senator Powers (Cornelius Keefe, billed as Jack Hill and so it is not director Jack Hill in an early acting role as is often thought). On a return trip inside the ship Kettering finds another long lost scientist, Professor Cole under total control of the alien creatures and who is played by Leonard Nimoy, but you would not know if not for the voice. The story ends with high voltage wires frying the little brain eaters to death and the hero dying to save the girl.

The movie has potential with the material but does not do too much with it. What have been better is if the people under the control of the creatures were not so apparent. Some act like zombies practically. It would have had more tension had the cast and audience not known who was and was not infected, like in Invasion of the Body Snatchers or The Thing. I would also say a little more violence would have helped, as well as more frightening creatures. To the film’s credit it does not go over board with scientific explanations and long dialogs as is typical of a lot of films of the period. The movie takes itself too seriously and the laughs are unintentional, which can always make for a good time.

The movie poster is one of my favorite, but here is no scene in the entire film like it. There is no woman with vampire fangs and exposed brain, or hordes of people fleeing some terrible monster. In fact the monsters are little fuzz balls that a horde of fleeing people would squash. Can I recommend the film? Sure. It is required cult film viewing in fact, and as I said it is only about an hour in length, about the same time you would spend at the dentist’s getting a cleaning. Our next film seems to operate on a lower budget but in my opinion delivers more of the goods in the action and camp departments. So now that our brains have been eaten, let us see what it is like to have our flesh consumed in The Flesh Eaters.

THE FLESH EATERS

1964/Director: Jack Curtis/ Writer: Arnold Drake

Cast: Martin Kosleck, Byron Sanders, Barbara Wilkin, Rita Morley, Ray Tudor

All the action in The Flesh Eaters takes place on a small island off the Atlantic coast where five people must face a ravenous, microscopic organism that consumes human flesh in a matter of seconds. The budget for the film by director Jack Curtis is obviously very low and according to one story was subsidized by winnings his wife made on a TV game show. The characters are all comic bookishly two dimensional (and not surprisingly since the screen writer was comic book writer Arnold Drake): a mad Nazi Scientist, a drunken former screen queen, a down on his luck pilot, a zany beatnik and a good hearted gal with huge hooters she is not adverse to showing now and then.

The evil Nazi Peter Bartell, played by Martin Kosleck-who made a career of playing evil Nazis-is the man experimenting with refining the flesh eater experiment that was begun during the war. His experiments are interrupted when the plane being flown by studly looking Grant Murdoch (Byron Sanders, most famous for his role as Talbot Huddleston in the soap opera The Days of our Lives) has to land off the coast because of a violent storm. With him are his passengers, jaded former movie idol Laura Winters (Rita Morely) and her assistant Jane Letterman (Barbara Wilken). A rule in low budget sci-fi flicks is “lots of dialog over expensive effects” and this movie follows the rule from beginning to end, but the chat is actually not too bad. The acting is campy and hammy often enough but I get the sense the actors and crew knew this and had a little fun with what they were working with, and so The Flesh Eaters becomes a more watchable and enjoyable ride than The Brain Eaters.

The group is joined later by the most obnoxious character in the film, a beatnik named Omar who rants and raves about “love as the weapon” so often that we feel relieved when he has his entrails eaten from the inside out later with a microbe laced martini made by Professor Bartell. In one memorable scene hero Grant Murdoch must rescue lush Laura Winters who has walked out onto a jetty looking for her booze. He gets some of the flesh eaters (usually holes poked in the film) on his leg and they are removed by Bartell’s pocket knife. They need something to stop the bleeding and in no time sexy Jane Letterman removes her blouse and spends the rest of the scene in her white bra. I think my buddy Ghidorah over at How to Maintain your Chainsaw would appreciate this fine scene.

There are some actually gory death scenes in this film which were ahead of their time for 1964. I have mentioned the demise of Omar the beatnik, and a couple characters have similar explicit death scenes later. One thing that threw me for a loop was that at the end the surviving castaways must deal with a huge rubber monster after an attempt to electrify the microbes only cause them to grow and unify. In a very odd twist the thing that kills the beast (remember in old sci-fi flicks there is usually one special thing that does the beast in, never bullets of course, and it must be found and developed in the last twenty minutes of the film) is human blood delivered directly into the creature’s eye. Strange that a thing that consumes human flesh is killed by human blood.

The photography (by Curtis under the pseudonym Carson Davidson) is actually pretty good, and while the effects are pretty low budget they very effective for the time. The two women are pretty sexy and plump and the tension between super jock stud Grant Murdoch and evil genius Peter Bartell is stereotypical and amusing. This is a good bad movie and of the two reviewed here I recommend this one more highly. Not to missed by enthusiasts of midnight cinema.

THE GREEN SLIME

1969/Director: Kinji Fukasaku/ Writers: Bill Finger, Ivan Reiner

Cast: Robert Horton, Luciana Paluzzi, Richard Jaeckel, Bud Widom, Ted Gunther, David Yorston, Robert Dunham

This is one of the cheesiest and most thoroughly enjoyable B movies ever made in my opinion. I have seen the film several times and it seems to work in similar ways as an anti-depressant. Sadly it seems there is no really good DVD version available yet and the one I got online is a VHS rip that appears to the one every one is unhappy with right now. Hopefully it will be released on a nice wide-screen version here shortly. It is a co-production between the US, Japan and Italy, headed by Japan’s Toei and America’s MGM. There seems to be real and borderline talent involved with the film. Director Kinji Fukasaku is more widely known for his human drama and crime films than rubber monster movies. The completely freaked out theme song was composed by Charles Fox who scored Barbarella and The Incident. The supporting cast is made of foreigners living in Japan at the time, for example, stationed military personal. There is not an Asian face to be found in the entire cast. Ivan Reiner wrote the story and I will be doing a post soon on his Wild Wild Planet, a strange sci-fi adventure made in 1965.

TV actor Robert Horton (Wagon Train) heads the cast with reliable character actor Richard Jaekel sharing in the heroics. Bond girl (assassin Fiona Volpe in Thunderball) Luciana Paluzzi,  as Dr. Lisa Benson,  is the female lead and point of constant friction between Commander Jack Rankin (Horton) and Commander Vince Elliot (Jaekel). Horton’s “thumbs up” character is so totally cocky and arrogant as to defy words. The only thing more difficult to describe is his flawless hair that never loses its shape. He assumes command of Gamma 3 space station as he is the only man for the job, and the job is one that Bruce Willis would have to reinact in 1998’s Armageddon. And that is to advert or destroy a huge asteroid that is on a collision course with earth. The difference is that the asteroid Rankin must contend with looks like a moldy meat ball. The real dynamite occurs between Rankin and Elliot since Rankin and Dr. Lisa Benson used to be lovers (this love triangle was actually cut from some versions since the target audience of kid matinee goers might lose interest, but luckily it is included in most versions for those of us who want human interest and romance along with our fakey rubber monsters) and Rankin basically sees Elliot as a pussy who has no business commanding a space station and has every intention of getting back under the covers with fiery Dr. Benson. But first things first.

He blows the asteroid up with little trouble of course but the crew accidentally bring back a sample of a slimy green substance that covered the rock. In no time the thing is absorbing electricity and multiplying and frying the crew to pieces. Lasers have no effect other than to help the thing reproduce, but for some reason throwing your laser gun into the thing’s single eyeball seems to stop them in their tracks. Problems for guilt ridden Lisa Benson and royal prick Rankin are solved easily enough when Elliot gets his face baked by a monster tentacle. The action is silly but paced well by director Kinji Fukasaku. The monsters are really great to look at make the weirdest (and at times really annoying) sounds you are apt to hear from a movie creature. Japanese sci-fi films of the 60’s often had great miniatures (that were usually destroyed) to look at, but the ones here are really corny, and so all the more fun.

There are lots of laughs at the action and dialog and everyone plays it straight faced and serious. Sure the effects and miniatures are really silly but I defy you to not watch this movie and enjoy it. My brothers and I saw this as kids and we used run around the house as the Green Slime (covered in a green quilt and using it for flaying arms) when we all played hooky from our miserable school in San Antonio Tx. I just wish there were a better version to watch. I did not even bother with vidcaps from the version I have but found some nice stills on line after a little hunting. Included is a nice video from my youtube site  ( http://www.youtube.com/user/billdancourtney, now with over 100 video trailers ) with the trailer and energetic theme song. This singer is as deadpan serious Mr. Thumbs up Commander Rankin when he screams “… will you believe it when you’re dead!”  Are you ready to face the terror of The Green Slime? The horror of giant asteroids? The site of a man’s immovable hair? Then hurry out and get this uranium packed classic now. Ghidorah over at the always controversial and not for the squeamish How to Maintain Your Chainsaw has even promised a review soon, so I hope you can see how vital this film is.

TRAILER AND THUMPING THEME SONG FROM THE GREEN SLIME

ROTWEILLER

2005/Director: Brian Yuzna/ Writers: Miguel Tejada-Flores, Alberto Vázquez Figueroa

Cast: William Miller, Irene Montalà, Paulina Gálvez, Cornell John, Lluís Homar, Paul Naschy

Brian Yuzna began producing and making films under his own production company in Spain, where he permanently resides, called The Fantastic Factory in about 2000 and since then the work of this usually entertaining horror/gore director has been getting weaker and weaker. Yuzna began as producer for some of friend and associate  Stuart Gordon’s best work, including Re-Animator, From Beyond and Dolls (which I have yet to see). He entered the directing arena with 1989’s Society and did some pretty good films  after that including Bride of Re-Animator and Return of the Living Dead III. They were all well edited, shot and acted  and contained some humor and wit to them. His newer works lack the humor and craft that made his American made films so watchable overall and he seems to trying to create Euro-sleaze now.

Rottweiler is not a well done movie but is still watchable over all in the sense that enough happens to keep you amused, and some parts enter the classic bad movie realm, such as shocked chickens being killed by the film’s antagonist, a cyborg Rottweiler. Of course a true bad film is one that has lasted a decade or two and retains some sort of lasting allegiance by a fan base. I do not know if this film is old enough or campy enough to really be a “good” bad movie, but none the less I recommend it over lets say watching Pretty Woman again or committing suicide.

The plot is pretty simple and sometimes vanishes altogether. Dante (William Miller)  is an American in a Spanish prison. He is being held for playing a game called infiltration with his girlfriend Ula and both are subjected to abuse by evil prison warden Kufard, played by European horror institution Paul Naschy. A distraction is created in the camp when a prisoner is stung by a scorpion and in classic chain gang fashion Dante and a “negro man” high tail it. The film almost seems like it could become a sci-fi version of 1958’s The Defiant Ones with Tony Curtis and Sydney Poitier chained together in Jim Crow deep south, but that is not to be as the black man is chewed to bits by the Rottweiler and allows Dante to escape. After that the movie really gets hard to understand in some ways, because nothing much ever happens. After Dante is recaptured by a guard he kills the guard and escapes again and the dog chases him and proceeds to and everything everything else but Dante. There seems to be little reason why the dog cannot kill him and yet over and over Dante eludes becoming Alpo. In one instance he even has to run naked from the dog, who drops Dante’s weapon the water, leaving him without pants or gun. But the dog never catches up with him and he is caught later by a lonely Catholic woman who forces Dante to have sex with her. She, however,  is killed by the dog (along with one of her chickens in a totally weird scene) and Dante (with clothes finally) flees with her young daughter. There is the eventual final confrontation between Dante and Kufard and the dog who crawls out of a fire and looks like he could have been Arnold’s pet in The Terminator. The film is loaded with flashbacks and they do not resolve anything at the end.

Make no mistake, this is not a good movie by a film maker who could do better, but it is not without moments and if you like to watch something just to laugh or be pissed off by how ludicrous it is then this is for you. It never gets so totally absurd or boring that it cannot be watched, and there is enough well shot gore and nudity to keep your eye lids from drooping permanently.

FRANKENTSTEIN CONQUERS THE WORLD

1966/Director: Ishirô Honda/ Writers: Reuben Bercovitch (story),Takeshi Kimura

Cast: Tadao Takashima, Nick Adams, Kumi Mizuno, Yoshio Tsuchiya, Koji Furuhata

I have been acquiring quite a few movies lately and have been watching a couple a day sometimes and have gotten behind on posting, so I am going to try and catch up with this new category, The Uranium Cafe Double (and sometimes Triple) Feature. I will try to connect two films thematically in some way, and the first entry into the category is simple: the theme is Frankenstein. But these two films are a couple of the oddest in the Frankenstein archives and really are both pretty enjoyable B-movies. The first one is out of Toho Studios and is directed by the great Ishiro Honda. It also starts American actor Nick Adams (the Johnny Yuma TV show) in one of his three films with Toho. He plays scientist James Bowen who is hot on the trail of the Frankenstein Monster (though it is referred to throughout the film as Frankentstein) with the help of his lovely assistant Sueko Togami  (Toho queen Kumi Mizuno) and fellow scientist Dr. Kenichiro Kawaji (who is determined to obtain one of Frankenstein’s members or organs for future research) and is played by fellow Toho regular Tadao Takashima (the link is to a story of Tadao’s battle with severe depression). Check back soon for a review and photos of pretty Kumi Mizuno’s in Ishiro Honda’s Matango (Attack of the Mushroom People).

The action originates in Nazi Germany towards the end of WWII when a mad scientist’s laboratory is raided by Nazi guards and the heart of Frankenstein (the monster) is taken away and then transported to Imperial Japan by submarine. Exactly why the Nazi’s would give away this potential asset to their conquests, even to fellow axis power Japan, is never explained, but the heart winds up in the safest of places in Japan to carry out secret scientific research, the city of Hiroshima. Fifteen years after Hiroshima is baked to a crisp a strange kid begins to appear around the city and eats some of the local small animals like dogs and rabbits, leaving the remains of a little bunny in the local primary school classroom. The freakish boy is captured and for some odd reason is said to possess Caucasian features, no doubt to tie the beast in with the European creator and monster, but actor Koji Furahata does not look in any way Caucasian. Soon the lad has grown to gigantic proportions and escapes his holding cell leaving one of his severed but animated hands behind. In no time he is being blamed for the destruction of local villages and inns, but that is actually the handy work of subterranean monster Baragon (the alternate title is Frankenstein vs Baragon). Needless to say a duel is inevitable between the titans and as usual it is full of giant monsters doing judo flips and spewing fire.

The photography and miniatures are excellent as they usually are in Honda’s films, though the super-imposed scenes are lacking in quality even for the time and genre. Nick Adams seems a little too dim witted to be a geneticist but it makes the movie even more fun. Scenes that the American co-producer Henry G. Saperstein wanted included showing Frankenstein fighting another duel with a giant octopus were deleted from the final version, but reappeared later as an alternate ending. The  Frankenstein monster is one of the oddest on film (and there have been plenty of odd Frankenstein based monsters) and in many ways the creature stays in line with the legend laid down by earlier films: flat head, mistaken crimes, good heart and intentions that are misread and a doomed fascination with a beautiful woman. Baragon later reappeared in Destroy All Monsters and Frankenstein reappears in the sequel to this film War of the Gargantuas. Maybe not for non-Toho fans, but a must for big monster and detailed miniature lovers.

THE DELETED FRANKENSTEIN FIGHTING THE GIANT OCTOPUS SCENE

FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER

1965/ Director: Robert Gaffney/ Writers: R.H.W. Dillard, George Garrett

Cast: Marilyn Hanold, James Karen, Lou Cutell, Nancy Marshall, David Kerman, Robert Reilly, Bruce Glover

Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster takes place on sunny Puerto Rico instead of Japan and is a fine example of a great bad movie that is worth watching more than once. It is really not a terribly made film in some respects. The film editing is not bad and there is a good music score (one song by the Distant Cousins may have been the inspiration for the riff from one of my favorite Thrill Kill Kult songs, Babylon Drifter) and the space ship interiors are far from the worst on record.

The story is about secret, cyborg astronaut Frank Saunders (Robert Riley) whose rocket is shot out of the sky by space aliens (Martians) who think it is an attacking missile. When the aliens discover that Frank has survived the attack they go down to Earth themselves to finish off the potential witness that may jeopardize their important mission; acquiring a breeding stock of nubile young earth girls, most of them in bikinis. Frank (as in Frankenstein) is also searched for by human scientists Adam Steele (played by James Karen, most famous for his roles in Return of the Living Dead, and even recently as the CEO in The Pursuit of Happyness) and cry baby Karen Grant (Nancy Marshall). Of course during the crash of his spaceship poor Frank has half his face burnt off and his circuitry all screwed up, so sometimes he over reacts and kills people with his bare hands or machetes. Eventually Frank winds up trying to rescue the earth girls from the aliens with Dr Steele and there meets the “space monster” Mull and they have a less than epic battle that destroys the space ship and nasty aliens.

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The performances of Marylin Hanold and Lou Cutell as the alien princess and her henchman offer up some of the best moments in the film. Lou Cutell’s nodding and sleazy grins are nearly as classic as his poorly done bald wig make up. Actor Bruce Glover (Crispin Glover’s father and one of the gay hitmen in Diamonds are Forever who kept try to bump off 007) appears briefly as an alien.

The movie was voted as one of the 100 worst of all time (what more of a recommendation do you need) though, as I said, is hardly a total flop in all technical departments. You may have a fun time watching all the stock military footage and checking out the swinging gogo pool parties, until they are crashed by ray gun totting aliens who wear space suits that look very much like NASA training gear. It is really a good example of how a chessy camp classic can garner a persistent cult following, and for good reason. It is my definition of a “feel good” movie. It was fun to watch the unintended laughs and guffaws and is one of those films that can be enjoyed alone for “research” or a movie party flick. More upbeat than Frankenstein Conquers the World and loaded with lots more half nekked bikini girls.

TRAILER FOR FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER

TRAILER FOR FRANKENSTEIN CONQUERS THE WORLD