Jealousy

Greetings!

Hello my dear readers, I am here again after my successful last blog post. Today, we’re going to talk about jealousy.

A close friend of mine started to feel the green eyed monster invade when it came to his girlfriend. He sought me out asking my advice one day about whether he should confront her about the way she talked to other guys. After a—long—chat I helped him see things differently, and I thought you guys would also like to read my advice in case anyone else is starting to twitch when their girls chat to other men.

Jealousy is that one emotion that can drive even the sanest of human beings into a dire need to be savage and brute, what do you do when you’re feeling it?

To many of us, jealousy is so hard to describe; you cannot easily box it into a certain specific feeling, it’s like an itch that won’t go away and worse, you don’t know which part is actually itching. And so we resort to getting angry, raising our voices, and maybe even getting violent. But wait, see this first common indicators of interest (signs that a girl likes you) to know if she really likes the guy.

And that is not cute in any way. Whether you’re in a flirtationship, just seeing each other, or in a n-year relationship, there are classier, manlier, and more effective ways to be jealous. And by more effective, I mean in a way that would make your girlfriend love you more or give you more attention just to ease your jealousy.

Here are some tips if you’re starting to feel that rage build up in the back of your head. Read these, and don’t forget, drop me an email if you want more advice on the situation at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com. I’m always here to help.

Okay step one is to take a breath. When you feel like you’re about to explode and transform into a green shirt-ripping incoherently-talking monster, breathe. 

Take a step back, close your eyes, and breathe.

That way, you can see things more clearly and have a jealousy-free perspective.

Next, stop and ask yourself; should I be jealous about this? Some men are just more jealous than others, we can’t do anything about that. But you certainly can do something about how you react right to what you are jealous about. And the first thing to do is ask, objectively, if it is really something to be jealous about. You would not want to be humiliated by your overreaction over something that wasn’t even jealousy-worthy. You also don’t want to end up in a fight over your ‘shallow’ reason for being jealous – trust me, that’s harder stuff to clean up with your woman.

Another idea is to look your best; in fact, look better than you usually do. Change your shirts into something that makes you look more fit, switch into pants that makes your awesome behind more noticeable or  change your haircut. Whatever you do, make sure it makes you look better and makes her notice that you’ve done some improvement for yourself. She will notice that you’re jealous, but more importantly that you are making an extra effort at being better than the guy you’re jealous about and she’ll find it cute.

Be sure to let your presence be known, in a subtle way. More often than not, your jealousy is not your girl’s doing. It’s that of some other guy who is trying to impress her and make a move on her. Now whether or not that guy is aware of your presence, you have to make your presence known to him. But not in a I’m more macho then you kind of way. This isn’t a contest for her affections. You have to let him see what he’s up against – and certainly not by violence. If you can’t intimidate him with money or career (because he’s better at it than you, ouch), intimidate him by the fact that you have the girl and the girl loves/likes you and not him. A little subtle PDA would do the trick. *Wink*

And last but by no means least, remind your girl about how much you love her. Make her feel extra special. Extra jealous, extra special. She won’t dare look at any other guy when she can only see and feel so much love from you. Divert all that jealous energy into making her happy and you’ll see how much happier you’d get in the end. Communication is key, it’s not easy, but maybe have a meaningful conversation with her.

Gentlemen, jealousy isn’t bad. What makes it bad is how we react to it so think well before reacting. She was probably just talking to the mailman!

A simple man with a wealth of knowledge about love and life! Contact me at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com

This blog is copyrighted. Do not copy and/or distribute without permission.ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Best Wishes,

Dahlak Medhane

If You’re My Ex, Then Stop Annoying Me So Much!

Hey there readers, now this is a situation I’m sure everyone has been in—I know I have! Everyone has an annoying ex of sorts – you know, that someone who we love talking about to friends because they make you feel so important and so wanted that they give you an ego boost, but they do it in such utterly annoying ways. They *fake* drunk calls and drunk texts, they talk to your mom and try to convince her to convince you that breaking up with her was a huge mistake, they badmouth you to common friends by showing everyone how the breakup was all your fault, and blah blah blah epic stories that make for Sunday classic soap opera plots.

Everyone has a story of that annoying ex – for example see probably the biggest “attract your ex back” website ever if there is one, PUADatabase.com

But what if you’re the annoying ex? What if you are exactly the kind of past lover that you dread? How do you even know that you’re becoming that loathsome, selfish, annoying bratty kind of ex-boyfriend that once was how your ex-girlfriend acted?

So are you an annoying ex?

Well, here are 5 telltale signs that your acting up (aka signs that you must change your ways and move on).

  1. 1. First off, you still badmouth your ex several months later. Okay, so I get that some breakups are just so hard to move on from, especially if it was from one of those long, would-have-been-happily-ever-after kinds of relationships. But moving is required of you after the breakup, and badmouthing your ex is never a helpful step. Especially if you have been doing it months and months and months after the breakup. So you’re mad, you don’t have to talk about it too often.

2.You’ve taken to posting cheesy and emo stuff of Facebook pertaining to the ex (in a way that everyone knows you’re talking to and about the ex but you’re trying to pretend it was just random and the message really wasn’t for her). In simpler terms, this is kind of called attention-whoring. You know, when you’re too desperate to get her attention that you post stuff you think would make her talk to you (even if it meant angering her).

3. Also you’ve begun talking to every other guy that wants to go out with her and acting like you’re still together. If you can’t move on, don’t stop her from moving too. That’s just selfish. (PS, if she’s really into somebody, you can’t do anything to stop it).

4. Maybe you’ve started making threats and issuing blackmail thread or sending her on guilt trips. Whether it’s telling her you’re going to jump off the roof of your house or that you have taped yourselves together having sex and that you’re going to expose it if she does not get back with you, threats and blackmailing are not only signs of being an annoying ex. They are also signs of mental problems and you might want to go see a doctor for it.

5. Or maybe the worst sign of all; you’ve started stalking her. Stalking comes in many forms: following her around wherever she is, calling her nonstop, lurking around her Facebook profile, or asking someone to do all these things for you are considered stalking. And please, I know you meant for her to know that you’re doing all these. After all, you want to “subtly” show her that you still care.

Basically, you’re an annoying ex if you do things that will give your ex-girlfriend’s life a piece of hell every time you get a chance to. Now that’s really, really, really annoying. If you find yourself doing any of these signs STOP immediately and get help. Speak to a friend (or me even at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com), for advice on how to hold back from this behavior and move on from her. If you’re really struggling with jealousy, read this too.

A simple man with a wealth of knowledge about love and life! Contact me at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com

This blog is copyrighted. Do not copy and/or distribute without permission.ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Best Wishes,

Dahlak Medhane

Going Long Distance? Good Luck Buddy

Dear readers, not all relationships have it easy, some of them have to go through trials and tribulations to come out the other side. Long distance relationships are an example of this. Now, they can be wonderful; they can be the basis of a long lasting and special relationship that is hard to find or to recreate. But also sadly long distance relationships can be hard for couples. Some problems put heavy strains on the relationship and themselves.

In a recent email from a regular reader, I was asked, “Dahlak, what are the common long distance snafus?” So I’m gonna share what I told him with you lovely people, this were my answers…

Top of the list of long distance issues is missing physical contact. This is the most common, and biggest problem of them all. People need physical contact in order to feel close to one another. You can’t live without each other for too long, or you will start to encounter other problems. One way to address this is to try to meet up with each other and have the best days of your lives again, even if it is just for a week. Make way and time for this, by doing this, you are doing not only yourself, but your partner a huge favor.

Communication failure comes in a close second; running out of topics/ nothing left to say/boredom. This problem is purely mental. There is almost always stuff left to talk about. Find something fun on the internet that you can share or some videos that you can watch together. It doesn’t have to be boring; you can make it fun again. Be imaginative and talk about anything or anyone. Get interactive and play games together. Its only boring if you don’t put effort into it.

Thirdly it’s easy to let our fears and insecurities mess with our heads. There are multiple fear that can come into play when you are having a long distance relationship. Some of them rational, but most of them are, unfortunately, otherwise. The two most common fears are the fear of being cheated on (which is a kind of a trust issue) and the fear of the future. Trust is very delicate when you are not living near each other; you have to trust that the other doesn’t stray and cheat on you. If you are close and know each other well enough, you should know that this fear is more often than not irrational and can sometimes lead to some tense moments. The other fear – the fear of the future, is when you fear about how the relationship can continue. You need plans to avoid this fear. Make plans for when you two see each other again, and make definite plans for the future. You don’t need to plan your whole life out, right there and now. But some milestones would be nice and can help a great deal. Think about the boyfriend destroyer sequences.

Finally, and probably the hardest issue is not having enough time with the person you love. It is a common problem that you are running out of time to spend together. It is natural that you both have individual time schedules and separate social lives. And if you live far apart, there might even be huge time differences that could limit the time you can spend together (see: Skype). Make time for each other and plan ahead. Message each other constantly with the countless free IM apps around and keep in touch. This way your bonds will stay strong and your relationship won’t be under huge strains.

Make her feel emotionally secure  even if you’re not physically present, sometimes all it takes is a real deep conversation to fix a minor issue.  That’s kinda hard to do, I know, but you gotta do it!

A simple man with a wealth of knowledge about love and life! Contact me at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com

This blog is copyrighted. Do not copy and/or distribute without permission.ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Best Wishes,

Dahlak Medhane

De-Stressing…. My Favorite Activity If You Must Know

Greetings and Salutations!

Relationships can go through a lot of stress. It’s part of any relationship. But ignoring it and not doing anything to change it can adversely affect not just the relationship and the people in it.

Normally, people think one person in the relationship is being toxic and is causing the stress. But that’s not the only cause of relationship stress. Sometimes, it can come from situations that cause one person in the relationship to treat the other adversely. Other times, and actually is the most annoying cause of stress in the relationship, the cause is external: toxic friends, unsupportive family, even an annoying ex-lover.

A lot of people make the mistake of just ignoring the stress while it is still manageable. Sadly and unfortunately, it does not go away while you ignore it; it gets worse.

That is why it is very important to know when and how to de-stress your romantic relationship.

And just because you are the guy and you’re not into the therapy and yoga “thing” does not mean you can leave the de-stressing to your girlfriend. You can do something about it especially when you notice the first signs of it before your girlfriend does.

So how do you know when it’s time to de-stress?

Well, you know that feeling that sometimes, it’s easier to know how to make a girl fall in love with you? Yes– we all do. But if you notice that your girlfriend is acting differently than usual, or is less interested in spending time with each other, or is just generally disinterested in anything that concerns the relationship, don’t let your cheating radar freak out – you guys might just be experiencing relationship stress. This is–more complicated.

Another common ugly indicator of stress in a relationship are constant petty fights. These are those small, useless fights that seem to come out of nowhere. Petty and frequent fights are not part of a relationship’s natural progression; it’s a sign of stress.

So, I wanted to share my personal guide to de-stressing a relationship. I’ve been there at times in the past and I’ve learned to recognise if my girlfriend and I are going through a particularly stressful patch, and I’ve used a couple of these ideas to calm things down. Let me know at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com if they work for you too!

Okay, so to begin with when you notice the first signs of relationship stress, just acknowledge it. Talk it out with your girlfriend and together, try to figure out what’s causing the stress. You have to make her feel emotionally-secure all over again. Is it her job? Is it your job? Either one’s parents? Is someone’s ex bothering you both? Or is the relationship getting boring and you need to liven up your relationship? Knowing what actions to take becomes so much easier when you’ve figured out where the problem is coming from.

Next you need to work out if the problem is caused by other people, decide whether or not you guys can afford to step away from these people. You will have to realize that the relationship is between you two and anyone else’s opinion should come in second to your partner’s. If not, find ways to either change your outlook on these people to minimize the strain on your relationship, or fix whatever problem these stressful people have on your relationship. This is especially true and important when these stress-inducing people happen to be family.

Another very effective way to de-stress a relationship is to actually get away from it all. Change your job, change your address, or simply go on a vacation together. The new atmosphere can create a fresh new outlook for you and your girlfriend. Of course sometimes you cannot just change your job or home address every time your relationship is stressed out. One good way to regularly de-stress your relationship is to have a productive hobby together. Courting her all over again is one trick. Try out something that lets you and your girlfriend spend some time together doing something together: craft, weight loss program, cooking, painting, etc. Make this a regular part of your bonding time and work together towards achieving your goal; it not only gives you time to free your mind off regular stressors, but it also teaches you teamwork.

A simple man with a wealth of knowledge about love and life! Contact me at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com

This blog is copyrighted. Do not copy and/or distribute without permission.ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Best Wishes,

Dahlak Medhane