Going Long Distance? Good Luck Buddy

Dear readers, not all relationships have it easy, some of them have to go through trials and tribulations to come out the other side. Long distance relationships are an example of this. Now, they can be wonderful; they can be the basis of a long lasting and special relationship that is hard to find or to recreate. But also sadly long distance relationships can be hard for couples. Some problems put heavy strains on the relationship and themselves.

In a recent email from a regular reader, I was asked, “Dahlak, what are the common long distance snafus?” So I’m gonna share what I told him with you lovely people, this were my answers…

Top of the list of long distance issues is missing physical contact. This is the most common, and biggest problem of them all. People need physical contact in order to feel close to one another. You can’t live without each other for too long, or you will start to encounter other problems. One way to address this is to try to meet up with each other and have the best days of your lives again, even if it is just for a week. Make way and time for this, by doing this, you are doing not only yourself, but your partner a huge favor.

Communication failure comes in a close second; running out of topics/ nothing left to say/boredom. This problem is purely mental. There is almost always stuff left to talk about. Find something fun on the internet that you can share or some videos that you can watch together. It doesn’t have to be boring; you can make it fun again. Be imaginative and talk about anything or anyone. Get interactive and play games together. Its only boring if you don’t put effort into it.

Thirdly it’s easy to let our fears and insecurities mess with our heads. There are multiple fear that can come into play when you are having a long distance relationship. Some of them rational, but most of them are, unfortunately, otherwise. The two most common fears are the fear of being cheated on (which is a kind of a trust issue) and the fear of the future. Trust is very delicate when you are not living near each other; you have to trust that the other doesn’t stray and cheat on you. If you are close and know each other well enough, you should know that this fear is more often than not irrational and can sometimes lead to some tense moments. The other fear – the fear of the future, is when you fear about how the relationship can continue. You need plans to avoid this fear. Make plans for when you two see each other again, and make definite plans for the future. You don’t need to plan your whole life out, right there and now. But some milestones would be nice and can help a great deal. Think about the boyfriend destroyer sequences.

Finally, and probably the hardest issue is not having enough time with the person you love. It is a common problem that you are running out of time to spend together. It is natural that you both have individual time schedules and separate social lives. And if you live far apart, there might even be huge time differences that could limit the time you can spend together (see: Skype). Make time for each other and plan ahead. Message each other constantly with the countless free IM apps around and keep in touch. This way your bonds will stay strong and your relationship won’t be under huge strains.

Make her feel emotionally secure  even if you’re not physically present, sometimes all it takes is a real deep conversation to fix a minor issue.  That’s kinda hard to do, I know, but you gotta do it!

A simple man with a wealth of knowledge about love and life! Contact me at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com

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Best Wishes,

Dahlak Medhane