Jealousy

Greetings!

Hello my dear readers, I am here again after my successful last blog post. Today, we’re going to talk about jealousy.

A close friend of mine started to feel the green eyed monster invade when it came to his girlfriend. He sought me out asking my advice one day about whether he should confront her about the way she talked to other guys. After a—long—chat I helped him see things differently, and I thought you guys would also like to read my advice in case anyone else is starting to twitch when their girls chat to other men.

Jealousy is that one emotion that can drive even the sanest of human beings into a dire need to be savage and brute, what do you do when you’re feeling it?

To many of us, jealousy is so hard to describe; you cannot easily box it into a certain specific feeling, it’s like an itch that won’t go away and worse, you don’t know which part is actually itching. And so we resort to getting angry, raising our voices, and maybe even getting violent. But wait, see this first common indicators of interest (signs that a girl likes you) to know if she really likes the guy.

And that is not cute in any way. Whether you’re in a flirtationship, just seeing each other, or in a n-year relationship, there are classier, manlier, and more effective ways to be jealous. And by more effective, I mean in a way that would make your girlfriend love you more or give you more attention just to ease your jealousy.

Here are some tips if you’re starting to feel that rage build up in the back of your head. Read these, and don’t forget, drop me an email if you want more advice on the situation at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com. I’m always here to help.

Okay step one is to take a breath. When you feel like you’re about to explode and transform into a green shirt-ripping incoherently-talking monster, breathe. 

Take a step back, close your eyes, and breathe.

That way, you can see things more clearly and have a jealousy-free perspective.

Next, stop and ask yourself; should I be jealous about this? Some men are just more jealous than others, we can’t do anything about that. But you certainly can do something about how you react right to what you are jealous about. And the first thing to do is ask, objectively, if it is really something to be jealous about. You would not want to be humiliated by your overreaction over something that wasn’t even jealousy-worthy. You also don’t want to end up in a fight over your ‘shallow’ reason for being jealous – trust me, that’s harder stuff to clean up with your woman.

Another idea is to look your best; in fact, look better than you usually do. Change your shirts into something that makes you look more fit, switch into pants that makes your awesome behind more noticeable or  change your haircut. Whatever you do, make sure it makes you look better and makes her notice that you’ve done some improvement for yourself. She will notice that you’re jealous, but more importantly that you are making an extra effort at being better than the guy you’re jealous about and she’ll find it cute.

Be sure to let your presence be known, in a subtle way. More often than not, your jealousy is not your girl’s doing. It’s that of some other guy who is trying to impress her and make a move on her. Now whether or not that guy is aware of your presence, you have to make your presence known to him. But not in a I’m more macho then you kind of way. This isn’t a contest for her affections. You have to let him see what he’s up against – and certainly not by violence. If you can’t intimidate him with money or career (because he’s better at it than you, ouch), intimidate him by the fact that you have the girl and the girl loves/likes you and not him. A little subtle PDA would do the trick. *Wink*

And last but by no means least, remind your girl about how much you love her. Make her feel extra special. Extra jealous, extra special. She won’t dare look at any other guy when she can only see and feel so much love from you. Divert all that jealous energy into making her happy and you’ll see how much happier you’d get in the end. Communication is key, it’s not easy, but maybe have a meaningful conversation with her.

Gentlemen, jealousy isn’t bad. What makes it bad is how we react to it so think well before reacting. She was probably just talking to the mailman!

A simple man with a wealth of knowledge about love and life! Contact me at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com

This blog is copyrighted. Do not copy and/or distribute without permission.ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Best Wishes,

Dahlak Medhane

Going Long Distance? Good Luck Buddy

Dear readers, not all relationships have it easy, some of them have to go through trials and tribulations to come out the other side. Long distance relationships are an example of this. Now, they can be wonderful; they can be the basis of a long lasting and special relationship that is hard to find or to recreate. But also sadly long distance relationships can be hard for couples. Some problems put heavy strains on the relationship and themselves.

In a recent email from a regular reader, I was asked, “Dahlak, what are the common long distance snafus?” So I’m gonna share what I told him with you lovely people, this were my answers…

Top of the list of long distance issues is missing physical contact. This is the most common, and biggest problem of them all. People need physical contact in order to feel close to one another. You can’t live without each other for too long, or you will start to encounter other problems. One way to address this is to try to meet up with each other and have the best days of your lives again, even if it is just for a week. Make way and time for this, by doing this, you are doing not only yourself, but your partner a huge favor.

Communication failure comes in a close second; running out of topics/ nothing left to say/boredom. This problem is purely mental. There is almost always stuff left to talk about. Find something fun on the internet that you can share or some videos that you can watch together. It doesn’t have to be boring; you can make it fun again. Be imaginative and talk about anything or anyone. Get interactive and play games together. Its only boring if you don’t put effort into it.

Thirdly it’s easy to let our fears and insecurities mess with our heads. There are multiple fear that can come into play when you are having a long distance relationship. Some of them rational, but most of them are, unfortunately, otherwise. The two most common fears are the fear of being cheated on (which is a kind of a trust issue) and the fear of the future. Trust is very delicate when you are not living near each other; you have to trust that the other doesn’t stray and cheat on you. If you are close and know each other well enough, you should know that this fear is more often than not irrational and can sometimes lead to some tense moments. The other fear – the fear of the future, is when you fear about how the relationship can continue. You need plans to avoid this fear. Make plans for when you two see each other again, and make definite plans for the future. You don’t need to plan your whole life out, right there and now. But some milestones would be nice and can help a great deal. Think about the boyfriend destroyer sequences.

Finally, and probably the hardest issue is not having enough time with the person you love. It is a common problem that you are running out of time to spend together. It is natural that you both have individual time schedules and separate social lives. And if you live far apart, there might even be huge time differences that could limit the time you can spend together (see: Skype). Make time for each other and plan ahead. Message each other constantly with the countless free IM apps around and keep in touch. This way your bonds will stay strong and your relationship won’t be under huge strains.

Make her feel emotionally secure  even if you’re not physically present, sometimes all it takes is a real deep conversation to fix a minor issue.  That’s kinda hard to do, I know, but you gotta do it!

A simple man with a wealth of knowledge about love and life! Contact me at dahlak@uraniumcafe-the.com

This blog is copyrighted. Do not copy and/or distribute without permission.ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Best Wishes,

Dahlak Medhane