Uranium Cafe Sticky Question: Should You Take It to the Bedroom?

This is a really hard question to answer, even harder an issue to talk about. Especially if you’re dating someone who could be Scarlett Johansson’s doppelganger or Kate Upton’s clone, I believe you’d rather leave the matter into your own hands (no pun intended) than actually talk about it.

When you’re dating someone, is there a right time to go physical? How long do you have to hold your horses to make love to her? Would you even hold your horses and wait?

No, this isn’t going to be some morality lecture or a lesson on sex education. Given that you are an adult who has not promised to save it all for marriage, this is something you’d have to face sooner or later. How long should you be dating before you consider taking each other home?

And no, we’re not talking here about your one night stand or casual sex or friends with benefits partner. We’re looking at someone who you’ve been going out with for some time and who you have every intention of getting to know for a possibly steady relationship.

When is the Right Time?

There’s no specific number of months or weeks (or days?!) when you should take your relationship to the bedroom level. The right time is more a matter of when you both are ready for what’s next – sex can be so powerful it can make or break a budding relationship. There are reasons why you should hold back, and you may want to check this article on Marie Claire.

So how do you when can it be the right time to take it to the next level? It depends on a lot of thing and neither I nor anyone else around you can tell when the right time is.

Ask yourself these questions to help you decide:

  • How well do you know her?  This is where I should talk about how well you know your partner for health reasons – an STD is never a joke. But more than that, sleeping with someone requires some amount of trust, especially for the woman. It also pays to have meaningful conversations with her rather than the sweet nothings. Save them for later. She has to be very comfortable with you otherwise it would be a totally awkward thing in the morning.
  • How does she feel about doing it? What are her own principles about it? It is important to know what she thinks about sex in general.
  • How many times has she done it in the past? Her own history on sex is a huge factor on her willingness (and unwillingness too) to delve into that activity. If it is going to be her first, you might want to slow it down. I don’t think you should ask her how many times she did it. There are ways on how to dig into this information. SIBG-Baltimore Chapter may be able to help you.
bedroom

To a lot of women, submitting themselves to a man in sex is equal to commitment.

  • What do you think happens afterwards? To a lot of women, submitting themselves to a man in sex is equal to commitment. And it would be safe to assume that is true for all women, not because it is true for all women but because it is a whole lot riskier to believe otherwise. So unless you’re both looking at commitment for the long term, then you may want to push the brakes and take things slow.

There are a lot of surprise benefits to taking things slow in dating. Remembe, not because you’re horny means she is, too. There are differences between a man and a woman’s sex drive. Give yourselves time to explore it, and you just might find what you’ve been looking for.